You Appreciated Them. They Still Quit.

You had a great employee whom you appreciated.

You made it clear how you appreciated them.

You were polite and said thank you whenever you could.

And yet, they still quit.

But why? The reason is simple and sobering. But first, I want to share something I read last week.

According to a recent Gallup study, US employee engagement fell to its lowest in 15 years. As I read through the study, what stood out to me was that the two biggest areas of concern were knowing what’s expected of you at work and feeling cared about as a person. On the latter, 47% of employees felt cared about as people in March of 2020. By Q3 of 2026, that number had dropped to 37%.

If you want to look at the study for yourself, just click this link. The timing of the study was interesting, since I was planning to talk about this earlier.

But back to the question. Why did that employee quit, even though you told them how much you appreciated them? Should you have said it more? Maybe you should have called instead of texting or told them publicly during your last team meeting. Perhaps it would have been more meaningful if you were more specific.

Valid as they may be, I wouldn’t spiral into the never-ending void of “maybe-I-could-have.” After all, I did say the answer was simple. But I should warn you: you’ll be tempted to disagree.

You appreciated them, but did you value them?

Even now, plenty of leaders are viscerally reacting to that last sentence. You may even instinctively try to defend yourself as you recount all the reasons you did value them.

So, to make sure you’re not reading what I didn’t write, let me paint this picture for you.

The last time you went shopping, you most likely saw something you didn’t value enough to buy, but you appreciated that it was there. Whether it was the color, design, specs, or something else entirely. At some level, they earned your appreciation. You liked or admired it but weren’t willing to make the investment.

In an organizational context, the same principle applies. Appreciation and value are both good, but they aren't the same, especially when you consider their ends and means. Anyone at any level can express appreciation. Valuation, on the other hand, goes further. One way you can think about valuation is “appreciate them enough to X.”

So, let’s break it down even more.

You may have truly appreciated them. But did you appreciate them enough to include them in meaningful conversations?

Did you appreciate them enough to solicit their feedback and apply it when appropriate?

Did you appreciate them enough to advocate for a promotion, title change, greater responsibility, or professional development of any kind?

Did your appreciation manifest as an internal, fuzzy feeling? Or did it catalyze into something meaningful in that employee’s world? How did your appreciation show up?

And I get it. Companies can be in tough positions. Some good people are bad organizational fits. Your own institutional authority may be limited. Politics exists. Workplace dynamics are riddled with complications.

You can’t do it all, and you shouldn’t try to.

But employees can sense the difference between leaders who do what they can and leaders who use what they can’t as an excuse not to try.

Which one were you?

So now, you might be wondering what valuation looks like in practice.

I like to think about it through the lens of IOI, which explores these three areas: Investment, Opportunity, and Influence.

Investment asks what you’re willing to intentionally and deliberately commit to employees' growth, well-being, and continued success. This is not passive.

Opportunity explores what meaningful possibilities are made available for employees to grow, contribute, advance, or take on greater responsibilities if they want to.

Finally, Influence explores the extent to which employees' perspectives, expertise, and legitimate interests shape decisions that affect their work and future. It may even be as simple as exploring how much their perspective influences the conversations you have, whether they’re in the room.

If you can view your actions through those three lenses, you’ll increasingly find yourself valuing your employees consistently and meaningfully.

Now, I want to reiterate that appreciation and value are both good. I would hate for you to think that you can never say “I appreciate you” to your employees ever again. After all, for some employees, hearing those words means the world.

The main takeaway is to understand your employees enough to know what meaningful appreciation and investment look like to them. Otherwise, you’ll add to an ever-growing list of employees who quit even after hearing “I appreciate you” thousands of times.